Job Profile – Loh Purush(Iron Man) La…
Job Profile – Loh Purush(Iron Man) Lal Krishna Advani.
Dealing with Halloween: 13 tips for p…
Dealing with Halloween: 13 tips for parents
You watch all of this in dismay. Knowing that Halloween is about Shirk you want to put your foot down once and for all and not let the kids go out that evening.
Ekram Beshir is a mother of four and co-author of the book Meeting the Challenge of Parenting in the West: An Islamic Perspective.
Munir El-Kassem has served as Imam in London, Ontario in Canada and is a father of five.
Shaema Imam is a graduate of McGill University and Muslim youth activist who grew up in a suburb of Montreal, Canada.
These are their tips about how you can deal with the Halloween hoopla:
Tip #1: Find out exactly what Halloween is
Too often, parents themselves are in the dark about the background of occasions and holidays like Halloween. Don’t think this is a trivial matter.
Once you find out why Halloween is celebrated, you will think twice about getting your kids involved.
In fact, any parent who is trying to raise his or her child as a God-conscious individual will object to the celebration of the occasion. Just spend an hour at the library looking it up in the encyclopedia. To get an Islamic perspective, check out a review of Holiday Myths.
If you discuss it with your kids using correct information, and they sense that you know what you are talking about, they may even agree with you about not participating in the ritual.
Tip #2: Talk to them at least a few weeks in advance
This is made easier by the fact that Halloween sales of candy and costumes are already underway and the yearly ritual of horror movies being released or shown on television (see our unTV guide) will soon begin.
So the atmosphere is right to sit Aisha or Ali down to have a talk about Halloween. Talking to them now as opposed to on the morning of October 31 will give them some time to think about it too, and get used to the concept of not having to go trick-or-treating just because their friends are.
Tip #3: Rationally explain that we have our own celebrations
Talking about Halloween in the context of a fiery speech against the holiday will not help Aisha or Ali see why they should not participate.
Your histrionics will only blind them to reality. Instead, explain that every group or culture has its own celebrations, and we, as Muslims have our own. Halloween is a pagan celebration. But when Eid comes, that is our celebration.
Do not condemn those who celebrate Halloween. Rather, explain what it is calmly, point out its dangers, and let your kids think about it.
Tip #4: Mention the other dangers of Halloween
Horror stories about razor blades in apples, Ex-Lax laxative given instead of chocolate to trick-or-treaters, or the dangers on the street should also be mentioned, but not made the focus of the reasons why you object to Halloween.
Tip #5: Explain that every one of our occasions has a meaning
Remind your kids that for Muslims, our holidays always have a good, positive meaning.
For example, at Eid-ul-Fitr, we celebrate our joy of fasting during the blessed month of Ramadan, which is a time we strive to get closer to God and be better Muslims.
Halloween, on the other hand, is celebrated partly as a reminder of satan, who is evil, and from whom everyone should avoid and seek refuge in God from.
Tip #6: Emphasize that there is nothing wrong with being different
This is crucial because there will be other occasions later on in their lives when Muslim children must not participate in school activities (for example, the Prom.
This does not mean permanent exclusion from all school and/or peer activities, but it means that as Muslims, they can take what is good, but they also have to learn to reject what is bad in a wise manner.
Tip #7: Meet your child’s teacher to discuss it
Arrange a meeting to discuss Halloween and celebrations or activities you, as a Muslim would not want your child to be involved in. But also talk about what kinds of activities you would recommend or approve of, and discuss Muslim celebrations.
Volunteer to come in during Ramadan, for example, to present and bring food for the kids during a talk about what is the month’s significance for Muslims. For more tips see 17 Tips for Parents to Present Ramadan in your Child’s Class
Tip #8: Don’t send them to school the day of Halloween if there’s a party
If the teacher has scheduled a class Halloween party, simply don’t send Ali or Aisha to school that day.
However, before you do this, you should write a short letter or note to the teacher and/or principal explaining why your son or daughter will not be attending school that day.
Tip # 9: Take them to a Muslim friend’s house on Halloween
Don’t make this a special occasion. If you regularly meet with other Muslim families and your children are friends with their children, visit them or invite them over just to play or hang out. This can take their minds off the Halloween hysteria happening outside.
Tip #10: Take them out for a doughnut
Or anything else Halal, just so you are not home when trick-or-treaters come knocking, which will reinforce the Halloween hysteria.
Tip #11: Turn off the lights, close the windows and educate your neighbors
Turning off the lights will give the message this home isn’t really interested in Halloween. Closing the windows may be necessary, since throwing eggs at someone’s home who hasn’t given candy is not uncommon on Halloween.
Educate your neighbors about Halloween by posting a brief polite note about why you are not celebrating the occasion. Shaema Imam for example, on one Halloween, posted a decorative note on her door telling neighbors she does not support the pseudo-satanic glorification of evil as represented by Halloween. However, she said it is excellent that there is neighborhood cooperation to promote children’s safety on Halloween (there were efforts in her area to ensure kids could trick-or-treat in safety).
She also expressed her support for the collection of money for Unicef, which children sometimes do when they go trick-or-treating. Imam didn’t get any comments, but no one egged her house either, she says.
Tip #12: Spread the word: two to three weeks in advance, organize a seminar
This would be for Muslim moms, dads and their young kids. There should be a presentation on what exactly Halloween is and what Muslim parents can do about it. There are Christians who also feel similar way about Halloween, you can organize this event together.
While this is being discussed, kids should be allowed to play together under the supervision of a couple of baby-sitters. This will serve to inform moms and dads, while giving kids a chance to have fun (and perhaps set up an invitation so they can avoid Halloween night craziness-see Tip #9)
Tip #13: Keep your promise about Eid
For a number of Muslim youth who have grown up in North America, Eid is sometimes just another day, with parents not even taking a day off work.
In other cases, while parents may take the day off, the ritual is the same: get up, put on new clothes, drive to fancy hall, pray, not understand what’s really going on, hug Eid Mubarak, go back home, eat “ethnic” food, get money (as Eid gift). Period. It’s no wonder our kids’ eyes light up when they see Christmas lights, brightly wrapped gifts and hear of Halloween fun and treats.
Make Eid special. Don’t just hype it up during Halloween to convince the kids not to participate and then break your promise.
On Eid, give the kids candy, take them out to dinner or an amusement park. Organize a party and invite their friends over. Arrange for them to have a gift exchange. The possibilities for Halal fun are there. We owe it to our kids, if we want them to stay Muslim and to be proud of it, to celebrate the occasions in life that really matter to us, like the two Eids.
Surviving the Teen Years and Parenting~
Surviving the Teen Years and Parenting
from Al Jamiat Vol 6 No 1
Teenage years are a difficult period for an individual struggling to find his place in the family and in society. He has to grapple with the physical, mental and emotional stress of pubescence, together with the ensuing demands of unbridled passion, and peer- pressure. It is an extremely sensitive stage of development, which parents have to nurture with care and discretion. Failing which, our great dreams for our children could suddenly turn into nightmares if they succumb to drugs, and booze, not to mention the grim prospect of contracting AIDS. It is therefore important that their energies and aspirations are channelled and expressed within a well-defined Islamic framework.
During the golden era of the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam), society was divided into only two categories. An individual was either regarded as a child and granted all the privileges of childhood or as an adult who shouldered the responsibilities of adulthood. There was no intermediate phase of adolescence. ‘Teenagers’ were regarded as adults who used their energy and stamina to infuse into society the drive and enthusiasm necessary for the growth and preservation of Islam. They integrated into the adult world and contributed to the dynamic growth of Islam. They served as beacons of knowledge, justice, and courage. They bravely opposed the intrigue of anti Islamic forces. Even women married in their early teens and bore the responsibilities of nurturing and rearing their offspring with youthful agility. They fulfilled vital functions in the community and at the same time engaged in learning, nursing, and even defending the frontiers of the Dîn.
We can either choose to ignore reality and simply wish that it never happens to our children or commit ourselves to a constructive form of engagement with them. The latter would require more than just good intentions and noble aspirations. The youth are getting excessive doses of immoral behaviour, violence, sex, and drugs, not only from television, chat rooms, and video games, but also from peer networks, and enticing social trends. As parents we need to become pro active and fulfill the rights and dictates of parenthood upon our children. The following are a few guidelines that parents may implement…
LOVE ABUNDANTLY
The most important thing you can do is love your children and show that you really care about them. Even when preteens are acting “unlovable” or saying they don’t need to be loved, they still need you to show your love. Such love gives children a sense of security and belonging. It helps smooth out the rough edges of those middle years. When you regularly express your affection, your children are unlikely to wonder if they are loved.
DISCIPLINE CONSTRUCTIVELY
It is also important to give clear directions and set limits on preteens and teens’ behaviour. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Children get the message when you set up a few simple rules, spell them out clearly in advance, and enforce them consistently. When discipline is necessary, try to exercise it in a calm, but firm, manner. Follow through and, if your children try to talk you out of it, have the courage to stand firm.
TEND TO PERSONAL AND MARITAL NEEDS
It’s important to put your own life in order. To get along well with your children, you first need to be comfortable with yourself and your partner. Remember to take care of your own needs so that you are not sacrificing everything for the sake of your children. In addition, love and respect between parents/guardians provide children with needed security. By expressing warmth and tenderness in your relationships, you will foster love and affection in the hearts of your children. Put your relationships first, for happy parents are most likely to have happy children.
TEACH AND ADVOCATE RIGHT FROM WRONG
When you actively teach your children basic values and good manners, they are more apt to identify right from wrong when they are away from you. You can show them how to treat others with kindness, respect, and honesty. By assigning chores at home, you can provide opportunities for them to be responsible people. Most important of all is the example you set for your children. Children tend to “act out” what they see at home.
OFFER GUIDANCE AND ASSISTANCE
When your children have problems and you want to offer guidance, be brief – it’s not necessary to make a speech. Also, make it clear that you expect them to think through problems and come up with answers themselves.
FOSTER RESPONSIBILITY AND INDEPENDENCE
Gradually give your children more space and confidence over their own lives. Let them make minor decisions at first. As trust builds, give them more space within the shari limitations and make them feel like adults but always be near when they need you. However the control and authority of the parent should never be compromised at any stage.
LISTEN ATTENTIVELY
No matter how busy or involved you are listen to your child as a person. When you listen, you also encourage your children’s expressions of feeling – both positive and negative – without fear of judgment or losing your love.
DEVELOP MUTUAL RESPECT
Insist that all family members treat each other with respect. It is important to be polite, apologise when you are wrong, show interest in your children’s activities, and be willing to trust their judgment. In return, you deserve your children’s respect. When parents treat each other with respect and kindness, they increase the chance that their children will do likewise.
BE REALISTIC
As your children reach the teen years, outside influences and peer pressure increase dramatically. During those years, preteens and teens need opportunities to make some choices – and making choices helps children grow. They will make mistakes, and they will learn from their mistakes. Take comfort in the fact that parents also make mistakes.
SPEND TIME TOGETHER
Setting aside time together for parent-child activities is important. Find time to talk with one another. Teach your children practical skills, such as cooking or repairing things. Plan for shared family activities and in house Deeni activity.
*Choosing a Career:*
*Choosing a Career:*
*The Clash Between Our Children’s Goals and Our Goals for Them*
“Nineteen-year-old college student commits suicide because he received
a C
in Biology.”
Although this was not an actual headline, it could have been. Over the
years, we have seen suicides by students for similar reasons. Japan has
the
highest suicide rate among students and its all related to not getting
high
enough scores on this or that. Harvard University also has a good
reputation
for suicide students due to high expectations and pressure on the
students.
*Parent’ Expectations*
Parents often have very high academic and career expectations for their
children, which some children cannot live up to. Unfortunately, in some
societies concern about disappointing one’s parents is a tragedy the
student
cannot deal with, so he kills himself.
I remember an engineering student who lived next door to me when I was
in
college. He used to study all of the time, and it was rare to see him.
Once
I told him that he must love engineering to work so hard for it. He
said
that he didn’t really want to be an engineer, but that’s what his
parents
wanted him to be. He really wanted to be a photographer.
*Children’s Interests*
This is not an uncommon situation. A child has a field of study that he
is
interested in, but the parent has a totally different goal for him. The
child wants to be an artist; his parents want him to go to med-school
and
become a doctor. The child wants to be a political scientist; his
parents
want him to be an engineer. This clash seems to be especially prevalent
in
immigrant Muslim families.
In some cases, the parents mean well. They want their children to work
in a
profession in which they have a good chance of succeeding economically.
They
feel that the social sciences and arts in general do not offer as much
potential for financial success as do engineering, medicine, business,
and
law. And they are right. However, many young people do not place the
same
priority on getting a high salary as their parents do. They might be
more
interested in a lower paying career that matches their interests or
that
provides spiritual, emotional, psychological, or social rewards, rather
than
monetary ones.
*All Halal Occupations are Honorable in Islam
*Unfortunately, many parents may want their children to work in a
highly
paid and prestigious field because of social snobbery or as a form of
competition with their friends and relatives whose children may be
studying
or working in a prestigious field. In Living With Teenagers: A Guide
for
Muslim Parents, Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood writes:
“Sometimes parents are rather snobbish—they only tend to think in
terms of
the highly paid, skilled salaried jobs for their offspring. Whereas it
is
true that Islam encourages every person to seek the most knowledge that
they
can, and to aim as high as they can, any social snobbery is totally
against
the spirit of Islam, which gives dignity to every honorable employment,
no
matter how lowly.
Parents have therefore to watch out that they do not push him or her
above
their capabilities. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him
peace,
taught that there is no room in Islam for snobbery. The man who works
as a
simple porter or road-sweeper has as much right to his dignity as the
manager of a great business concern (particularly in this age when the
manager is deeply immersed in banking and interest transactions which
are
forbidden). What counts is honesty, and the attitude to the work one is
doing.
Since society needs rubbish collectors just as much as brain surgeons,
nobody need regard any useful employment as being beneath them—the
prophet
Dawud was a shepherd and a metalworker, Nuh and Isa were carpenters,
and
Musa was a shepherd, peace be upon them, and Muhammad, may Allah bless
him
and grant him peace, was a trader. Islam actually gave dignity to many
professions which people had previously considered lowly and degrading,
including, incidentally, being a housewife.”
*Luxury without Charity is discouraged in Islam
*
Although many parents push their children to study medicine, law, or
engineering so that they will get a financially rewarding job when they
graduate, many other jobs can adequately support a family. The family
might
not be rich, but it can have its needs met. Moreover, in Islam, even
Muslims
who have excess money are not encouraged to live lives of luxury.
Rather,
they are encouraged to help those in need with their excess money, and
Muslims who are rich have an even greater responsibility to help
others.
These jobs, as long as they are halal and do not involve the person in
haram
activities, have as much dignity as the higher paid, more prestigious
jobs.
So unless parents have better reasons than higher pay and more
prestige, why
should they pressure their children into pursuing careers that they are
not
interested in?
*Important for Parents to Consider Children’s Interests**
*As previously mentioned, there is also some danger in pushing one’s
child
into a field of study he has no interest in or which may be beyond his
capabilities. Not everyone is meant to be a doctor, a lawyer, or an
engineer. To pressure the child into studying something that is not
really
for him could merely insure his failure at it, which might also be
followed
by shame, depression, low self-esteem, rebellion, frustration, and even
suicide.
*Muslim Ummah Needs People of Diverse Occupations*
In addition, the Muslim Ummah needs people to work in a variety of
other
professions, such as social work, nursing, psychology, auto repair,
farming,
and education. Muslim leaders have long complained about the lack of
Muslims
pursuing careers in the media. Although in recent years, there seems to
have
been an increase in Muslims going into these fields, Muslims are still
in no
position to compete with non-Muslim media. America should be flooded
with
high quality Islamic publications and radio and television broadcasts.
But
still, only a small number of Muslims are going into media occupations.
*A Career: More than Financial Security
*In the past, just having a job and being able to support oneself and
one’s
family was essential. People often went into the same profession as
their
father. A farmer’s son became a farmer. A carpenter’s son became a
carpenter. Opportunities to advance or to go into a field of one’s
choice
were quite rare. Today, we have a totally different situation. People
have a
much greater choice in the career they pursue. A career is no longer
just a
means of financially supporting one’s family; it is a major part of
one’s
life. To be trapped in a career one hates can be very difficult. To
have a
job one loves and enjoys can be one of life’s great joys.
Career choice has become a controversial issue in many families.
Although many children may one day appreciate their parents’ insistence
that
they study engineering or medicine, others may always wish that they
had
gone into the field “they” wanted rather than the field “their parents”
wanted them to. But the real question is not whether the children will
one
day appreciate their parents’ pressures to go into a certain career or
whether they will resent them, the real question is whether or not the
parents were right or wrong to pressure them into it in the first
place.
–
All praises and thanks be to Allah, Lord of everything that exists.The
most
Gracious, the Most Merciful.Master of the Day of Judgment You (alone)
we
worship, and You (alone) we ask for help.Guide us to the Straight Way
The
Way of of those on whom You have bestowed Your Grace, not (the way) of
those
who earned Your Anger, nor those who went astray. Ameen
Parenting: Islam’s Positive Approach
ONE of the greatest challenges a Muslim will ever face is being a parent. This is one challenge, however, many of us are least prepared for. Allah tells us in the Qur’an that our children are our trial and as such we should take the task of parenting seriously, and start learning from each other. In my experience in dealing with my own family and counseling other Muslim families, a model has developed based on what I call “The Positive Approach”.
Compassion (Rahmah)
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) stated: “He is not of us who does not have compassion for his fellow beings.” It is interesting to note that when it comes to Hadith like this or Qur’anic quotes dealing with human behavior, we never stop to think that our children and family members are also our fellow human beings and that these golden rules must also be applied to them. Compassion is only one component of the concept of mercy (rahmah) — the others being kindness, respect, and of course love. Remember the displeasure of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) when Al-Aqra Ibn Habis told him how he had never kissed any of his 10 children. Upon hearing that Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) told him, “You have no mercy and tenderness at all. Those who do not show mercy to others will not have God’s mercy shown to them.”
Consultation (Shoura)
The Prophet (peace be upon him) has related that Allah says: “Oh My servant. I look on high-handedness as something not permissible for Myself, and I have forbidden it for you. So do not oppress each other”. When we consult with each other in the domestic realm, both husband and wife must show respect for each other. This is one of the best ways to bond and to learn and listen to each other and to resolve conflicts. However, the consultation will only be fruitful if it is sincere and not merely a formality. Imposition of one’s ideas with scant regard to the welfare of the whole family unit defeats the purpose of the most important Qur’anic principle.
Cooperation
The concept of cooperation in Islam is most beautifully illustrated in Surah Al-Asr : “… counsel each other to the truth (haq), and counsel each other to patience and fortitude (sabr)”. When a family unit cooperates in this manner, they truly capture the spirit of Islam — the welfare of each member of the family becomes the concern of the other.
Commitment
It is extremely important that our families commit themselves as a unit to Allah and His Prophet (peace be upon him ): “Obey Allah and His Prophet and those in authority over you” (Surah An-Nisa). This collective commitment gives us an identity and maps out our purpose — namely that we all belong to Allah and are accountable and responsible to Him.
Communication
Communication is more than talking. It is an essential part of family life. It is both talking in a manner in which others can understand you, and hearing in a manner in which you can listen and understand others. So many times people claim that they have no communication problem since they are always talking. However, the majority of the time they are talking “at” and not talking “to” the other person. This mode usually results in the recipient tuning out. Many children learn at an early age to tune out their parents. When communication is a means of listening, understanding, and exchanging ideas, it is the most powerful tool to effective parenting and the best shield against peer and societal pressures. It also teaches children skills to solve problems.
An important component of positive communication is a sense of humor when parents and children can laugh together. Communication can also be instrumental in passing down family history and thus creating oneness and togetherness by sharing a mutual heritage (children love to hear about family stories).
Consistency
Effective parenting requires that we are consistent in our value judgments, discipline, and moral standards. Many parents inadvertently apply double standards to boys and girls when it comes to social behavior and domestic chores. This is unacceptable, and leads to sibling rivalry and stereotypical males and females.
Confidentiality
Family is with whom we can feel safe and secure. Where we know our secrets are safe and where there is mutual trust. Unfortunately, we parents often betray the trust of our children when we discuss their concerns which they confide in us to outsiders. This leads to mistrust, and sooner or later our children will stop confiding in us. This leads them to find confidants outside the family, and sometimes this can be detrimental to their spiritual and moral growth.
Contentment
The greatest gift we can give our children is that of contentment. This can be developed very early in life by encouraging our children to give thanks to Allah for all they have by discouraging materialism by word and example, and by counting the blessings every night and remembering the less fortunate.
Confidence
It is the duty of parents to build confidence in their children through encouragement and honest and sincere praise. By developing confidence, we give our children the courage to stand up for themselves and their beliefs and to be able to deal with opposition.
Control
By teaching restraint and avoiding excesses we develop in our children traits for control so that they do not become slaves to their desires (nafs).
Calm
By encouraging and showing calm in matters of adversity and in times of panic we improve our taqwa and teach our children to rely on Allah and to turn to Allah alone for all needs. Allah says in the Qur’an that the best statement of the believers in times of adversity or musibah is, “Indeed we are from Allah and to Him is our return.”
Courage
Courage of conviction can only be achieved when we have been able to teach our children true Islam. We should take advantage of every learning opportunity as a family so that our faith (iman) flourishes and evolves toward Ihsan as a family unit. In this manner we can be a source of strength to each other.
Critical thinking
The Qur’an encourages us over and over again to think, reflect, ponder, understand and analyze. However, very rarely do parents encourage children to question. Our response to difficult inquiries from our children is to say “do it because I said so”. This discourages the children from developing critical thinking. They become lazy and complacent and easy prey to cult type following. To take things at face value makes us vulnerable.
Charity
The most important attitude of a Muslim personality is, as Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) stated : “Do you not wish that Allah forgives you? Then forgive your brothers and sisters”. Many relationships break because people are not able to forgive each other. It is important that parents make up in front of their children by forgiving each other after an argument. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) stated “Like for your brother what you like for yourself”. So if husbands and wives expect respect from each other they should give respect. A charitable nature also encourages us to overlook people with their shortcomings and to be sensitive and to have empathy.
Compiled from various sources.
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12 Tips for Parents about Sex Education
But you just can’t get over your tongue-tying embarrassment. Imagine! If your father or mother, back in Cairo or Karachi, heard of this they’d be stunned and question your parenting skills! Here are some tips that can help you talk to your kids about the “s” word.
1. Start Early
Ideally sex education is not provided to kids in a reactionary fashion. Rather, it’s given from the beginning in an indirect manner. This means the child has to have a strong sense of identity and an understanding of what his or her values are.
“Parents are going to have sit down and explain their values to their own children. And this needs to start young, before the society influences them,” says Marilyn Morris, a Christian, who is president and founder of Aim for Success. The organization promotes abstinence from sex through speeches and presentations to students in grades six to 12. The group is one of the largest providers of abstinence education in the United States.
She says it is also important to explain to kids why you hold those values. For example, why do you not approve of sex outside of marriage, whether this is for religious and/or health reasons.
2. Give the child age-appropriate sex education
Starting to teach different topics at the right age is also important. For example, a boy of eight may notice his mom does not pray some time during the month and may ask why. At this point, it can simply be said this is a time when Allah has excused women from praying. At the age of 12 or 13, a parent can introduce the topic of menstruation, and by that point, he will be able to make the connection.
Another way topics of a sexual nature can be introduced is while the child is reading the Qur’an. When the child reads verses about sexual intercourse, menstruation, or homosexuality, for example, this can be explained in a matter-of-fact manner.
Sex can also be discussed in the context of cleanliness in Islam at a certain age. For example, by the age of six or seven, a child must know how to clean him or herself after using the toilet. After this at about eleven or twelve, the issue of Ghusl can be raised and when it is necessary (i.e. after sexual intercourse, after menstruation, etc).
As well, parents should sit with their children individually, not all together to explain various age-appropriate topics related to sex. Some of the topics to talk about include modesty, decency, conduct and behavior. But these should not be presented as just a bunch of rules to be followed. Rather the wisdom behind, for example, the Islamic dress code and lowering the gaze for both sexes should be explained.
3. Parents should build a good relationship with their kids
Proper sex education can only be given if the correct messages are being sent explicitly and implicitly by parents. There has to be openness, not a rigid and dogmatic atmosphere at home.
“I’m talking about a loving relationship at home between the parents,” says Khadija Haffajee an Islamic activist and a retired school teacher from the Ottawa-Carleton region of Canada. She has spent about 30 years working in the public school system. “That there’s love between the parents, there’s affection. They [the kids] can see this, how they talk to each other, the respect that’s there.”
4. Be an example
This goes hand in hand with being a role model, which is the best way to teach and transmit values to children. That means not only should children be exposed to a healthy male-female relationship when they see their parents. It also means parents do not engage in activities which undermine their views on sexuality.
For instance, “being careful themselves about what they watch on T.V. or what movies they go to see is crucial,” says Morris “because that ’s a bad influence on us at any age. And if our children see us doing it why shouldn’t they as well?”
This also means setting an example in other aspects of life by following the same rules you expect your kids to follow. For example, if you’re running late, call children and let them know, show them the same courtesy you expect from them, explains Morris.
5. Meet with others who share your values
It is necessary for children to not just see the embodiment of Islamic values at home. They must also experience this in contacts with other Muslim children and families, says Haffajee.
They must see that family life the Islamic way is not just something their own family practices, but it’s something others do as well. This makes it more “normal” for the child, who in public school may have friends or acquaintances with homosexual parents (two mommies or two daddies), parents who are having sex outside of marriage (mom’s boyfriend, dad’s girlfriend) or other types of unacceptable relationships.
6. Get involved with your children’s school
Depending on a parent’s schedule, this can mean different things. Most of the time, public schools encourage parents’ active participation through channels like Parent and Teachers’ Associations (PTAs) or as elected school board members.
Haffajee explains that more and more schools will be decentralized and will have more power at the PTA level, for instance. Another forum for involvement is running in school board elections. School boards run all the schools in one district.
But if this is too much of a commitment for you as a parent, at least be in contact with your child’s teacher, and let her/him know not just about problems, but good things he or she is doing for your child as well. “We have to build these links, not feel it’s them and us,” adds Haffajee.
Volunteering and helping at the school is also an option. This differs in each school. Some may have a lunchroom program with parents as monitors, for instance, which requires only a few hours a week.
Regular participation in such school organizations and activities gives you a voice as a parent to express your views about what’s going on in the school system as it affects your child, as well as others’ children.
It is important to add that this involvement should not come only when the school has done something you, as a parent, feel has violated your child’s needs as a Muslim, or when you want something specifically for your child (i.e. time off for Eid, Jumuah, etc.).
By participating at the long-term level, your voice is more likely to be heard because you’re involved in making the school better generally, not just for your child’s interest only.
When it comes time for sex education, you can band together with other parents, Muslim and non-Muslim, who share the same views on the topic, and it is more likely you will be listened to. “There are a lot of non-Muslim parents who are concerned about these issues and feel as if there is no control,” notes Haffajee.
7. Know the sex education territory
“There should be talk about what kind of information they’re getting, preadolescent education,” says Haffajee. Launching a three hour tirade against the evils of public school sex education will do little good in helping your son or daughter see what’s wrong with it. This is why it is necessary to find out what is included in the sex education curriculum.
“They should find out exactly what the school is teaching, to the point of even sitting with the person doing the education and finding out about the values of that person,” says Morris. “This is a very important issue”
8. Know the Islamic perspective on sex
There is more to sex education than telling your son or daughter “don’t do it until you get married”. Topics like menstruation, sexual changes in adolescents, Islamic purity after various types of uncleanliness associated with sex also have to be discussed.
If you’re not sure, get some help from a knowledgeable Muslim or Imam, as well as a guide for parents. Be capable of providing exact references from the Qur’an, Sunnah and valid Islamic authorities on reGreater Syria topics (i.e. birth control, boy/girl relationships, etc.).
On the same note, if in the course of your conversation your child asks you something and you are not sure about whether it really is Islamic or not, check it out. Assuming that a cultural practice relating to sex or boy/girl relationships is automatically Islamic is a mistake.
9. Tell your kids you’re available to talk to them about sex
This is necessary, especially if sex has been a taboo subject in the household for so long. “Parents [should] say to their children “I want to be your primary source of information about sex,” says Morris. This makes it clear that while your child may be getting information about sex from other sources like television, the movies, school and friends, you are the “authoritative source”.
This is done best when discussed at a younger age, rather than waiting for the teen years when rebelliousness usually kicks in and kids are less likely to listen to parents.
10. Express your nervousness
It will be hard to talk about sex for many parents. But they should not hide this from their kids. Morris recommends parents say, “If I sound nervous or uncomfortable just bear with me,” in the course of their conversation.
This stresses the seriousness of the topic and the importance of what you want to say. The fact that this is so difficult for you, yet you are going forward with it emphasizes your child’s need to listen.
11. Withdraw your child from sex education but tell them why
There are public schools where sex education is an option, and a child can be exempted from it. Haffajee says there are parents, Muslim and non-Muslim who have decided to choose this instead of having their kids sit through public school sex education.
But if you do decide to do this, she advises it is important to clearly explain to your child why this is being done, and to ensure that he/she is being provided with Islamic sex education in the home. Otherwise, your child may see it as being excluded from an activity with his or her friends.
12. Get help from others
If you feel extremely uncomfortable talking to your kids about it, enlist the help of a knowledgeable and open Imam or community member who is of the same gender as your child, to explain the details and provide the guidance. Other people can be Islamic weekend school teachers, a Muslim social worker, or a trusted family member like an aunt, uncle or cousin.
Also, get some books for your kids that discuss sex from an Islamic perspective. ” Miracle of Life” or Ahmad Sakr’s “The Adolescent Life” are some examples.
However, getting someone else to talk to them or giving them a book is not the end of the story. As a parent, you have to be ready and open to at least hear your son or your daughter’s concerns or questions about sex, so you can direct them to the right person or information if you are uncomfortable answering yourself.
Tips on Raising a Fearless Child
| Tips on Raising a Fearless Child |
on Raising
a Fearless ChildFrom As-Sunnah Bi-Monthly Newsletter
Every child has a varying amount of fear; some are normal fears of childhood while others are not. Some amount of fear in a child is understandable and healthy, like fearing the fire for it burns. Child Psychology experts say that a child in his early years may show signs of fear when hearing a sudden noise or something falling. In general, girls show more fear than boys, and the intensity of the fear may vary according to the intensity of the child’s imagination; the more imaginative the child is, the more fearful he may be. However, the child may develop fear of harmless things, like darkness, water, stairs and gathering with other people. These fears can result from a number of factors;(a) The mother scaring the child with ideas of ghosts, shadows or strange creatures.
(b) Relating stories or fairy tales that have evil and imaginative characters in them.
(c) Raising the child in isolation and keeping him secluded – away from people.
(d) Children are imitators of their parents and pick up phobia from their parents, therefore presenting a good example before the children plays a major role in training them.
In order to avoid such fears, the parents should:
(a) Always train the child to believe in Allah, worship Him and turn to Him in all situations of fear and anxiety.
(b) Do not scare him with imaginative characters, ghosts and animals. Always remember the Hadeeth of Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam): “The strong believer is better and is more loved by Allah than the weak believer.” [Saheeh Muslim (2664)](c) Give the child responsibilities and allow him to work it out himself. Also, allow him to meet and mix with other people and get to know them.(d) Instill courage and bravery in the child by relating to him true stories of our pious-predecessors.(e) As psychologists recommend, give the child an opportunity to get to know the thing that he is frightened of, for example, if he is afraid of water, allow him to play with little water in a bowl, if the child fears the dark; the parent may allow him to play with the light-switch, turning it off and on…
Fear of Dark: Generally children shows fear when the parents separate their bed. Parents need to recognize the fact that the room looks totally different to the child when the lights are out. So, you may…(i) Use a night light, but experiment with its placement to be sure that it does not create frightening shadows.(ii) After the light has been turned out. Stay in the room for a few minutes and talk about how different things look. A curtain blowing in the breeze looks very different at night than it does during the daytime.(iii) Leave the door to the child’s room slightly open and tell him that you will not be far away.(iv) If the child awakens in the middle of the night, he should not be invited into your bed else he may develop a habit that is difficult to break!! Instead, comfort him in his own room and tell him that you are proud of him for being grown up enough to sleep in a room by himself.
“ISN-TUNDUK”: Boon to Student Initiatives.
Prepared by:Muddasir Mohammed
Student of InternationalHigh School of Medicine,
InternationalUniversity of Kyrgyzstan
Bishkek: Students’ are an important part of the society. They constitute the majority of the professionals in any country around the globe. Students’ have young, fresh and creative minds which can surely lead to the development of ideas that can be positive and helpful to the society, country and its people and the world. Many student organizations operate around the world and one such community was started inKyrgyzstan also.Keeping this ideology in mind, Students’ from Kyrgyzstan, Russia, Turkey, Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, Kazakhstan, India and Pakistan etc. joined hands in hands to form an international cooperative community called as the ‘International Student Network’ “(ISN)-TUNDUK” here in Bishkek, the Kyrgyz republic. The meaning of ‘ISN-TUNDUK’ is: ISN means the international group of students from different countries including Kyrgyzstan. ‘TUNDUK’ is the golden colored national symbol which is inscribed onto the center of the National Flag of Kyrgyzstan which depicts the total number of communities and tribes of people living in Kyrgyzstan; in short it can be bannered as ‘THE PEOPLE OF KYRGYZSTAN’. Together ‘ISN-TUNDUK’ can be described as the organization that deals in the development and welfare of the students, needy and poor people ofKyrgyzstan through student cooperation nationally and internationally.
The main mission behind ‘ISN-TUNDUK’ is the development of communities through student cooperation. The base which formed the office for ‘ISN-TUNDUK’ was officially granted free of cost representing its head office by International High School of Medicine, International University of Kyrgyzstan to promote student initiatives and fulfill their dreams.
First of all, it aims to contribute to the development of civil society in Central Asia by turning talents, skills and experience gained by student community to practical uses, such as cross-culture dialogue, improving educational standards for international diploma recognition, supporting poverty and encouraging tourism in Kyrgyzstan and the region among the youth etc. It conducts trainings, seminars, educational fairs and organizes meetings for representatives of universities, local governments and NGOs.
Secondly, the motto in this case is to make Kyrgyzstan popular to the outside world so that people around the world know the importance of Kyrgyzstan, its values, tradition, culture and people through which tourism sector could be developed. ‘ISN-TUNDUK’ believes in uniting students from the entire world as ‘ISN-TUNDUK’ is not restricted to Kyrgyzstan or the region but for students from the entire world in order to develop Kyrgyzstan mainly.
Thirdly, ‘ISN-TUNDUK’ is engaged in promoting English language and making members realize the importance of English and its use as an international dialect worldwide because all members and participants of ‘ISN-TUNDUK’ speak in English. Books, Pamphlets, Guides, Text books and Dictionaries are a part of the ‘ISN-TUNDUK’ library which acts as tools in the promotion process.
Fourthly, ‘ISN-TUNDUK’ is engaged in the process of uniting students from various universities across Kyrgyzstan and the world. Representatives of ‘ISN-TUNDUK’ personally meet the administrative staff of universities and discuss with them the need for nest cooperation among students of either university. Debates and game competitions are ensured that are the main events which promote such type of associations. Many such associations among universities have been formed yet.
OPINIONS:-‘Adult population has experience and money but have no time for implementation of their good will in development but this is contrast in case of youth as they have time but no money’, ‘Kyrgyzstan has strong natural and political recourse for support of student’s activities’ says Dr. Elena P. Alekseeva who is a Pediatrician by profession but is the founder and expert member of ‘ISN-TUNDUK’.
“Students have the potential to perform activities that are profitable to the humanity, with much zeal and enthusiasm when compared to other professionals”,
- Mir Ali Muhzamedziev,G.M. of a Tours and Travels Company,Kievskaya.Students who are in the medical field (doctors) have taken up the task of educating people towards AIDS awareness and other dangerous diseases, proper usage and dosage of drugs, sanitation and hygiene. “Informing people about the prevention of hazardous diseases is more important than its cure” says Radhika Namburi who is a 1st year student of medicine and member of “ISN-TUNDUK”. “People should be educated on using condoms and having safer sex and should be emphasized in the usage of disposable and sterile syringes to prevent AIDS epidemic” feels SMRK Sagar, 2nd yr student of medicine, also an active member studying in ISM, IUK.
Students constituting the economics, commerce and law field have taken the responsibility to educate the people on paying taxes on time, insuring themselves and setting up seminars and camps in order to make people realize the minus points of Kyrgyzstan and other countries joining the HIPC initiative. “Our organization will give an opportunity to each student to integrate and unite to overcome cultural misunderstanding and finally gain tolerance in our society”, says Altynai Djumasheva, a Kyrgyz law student who is also a member studying in Kyrgyz Russian Slavic University. “This is a fantastic opportunity to learn from each other, to achieve dreams and unite for a better future; Out of one smile we can make a laugh, and out of one action we can make a difference” feels Solomatova Alexandra, also student of Kyrgyz Russian Slavic University.Students in the engineering and biotechnology field give advice to people on new agricultural techniques, water conservation and ecological education and also keeping the people informed regarding internet and its usage. “People should learn how to use the internet which is the basic necessity these days to bring nations and people closer to each other” says Zain Javed, Pakistani student, also a member. “It is very important to guide the people regarding the pollution and how to recycle waste products for a healthier ecology” says Cholpon Junusova, student of Kyrgyzstan Manas TurkeyUniversity, also a member.
Active ISN-TUNDUK members and students such as Zain Javed and Moazzem of Pakistan and Girish, Prince and Mustafa of India have similar views. All student members actively take part in charitable activities organized regularly by ISN-TUNDUK in Orphanages and Old Age Homes. Members collect donations, old clothes, buy candies and chocolates and distribute them in these needy places in the suburbs of Bishkek and other cities acrossKyrgyzstan.ISN-TUNDUK is determined to make a contribution in strengthening democratic process, fostering freedom speech and media with its promotion inCentral Asia and overseas, providing better opportunities for professional development of students and developing contacts with colleagues from other countries. Such organizations will surely help in the development of the world and is the solution to many sociological problems oh humanity in the world.
786=Bismilahir Rahman Nir Raheem??
“786″ – Does it stand for ‘Bismillahi Rahmaani Raheem’?
786 is the numerical representation of “Bismillahirrahamaanirraheem” has no religious or Islamic significance.
The numerals 786 or any other numerals in no way represent ‘Bismillaah al-Rahmaan al-Raheem’ or other Surahs of the noble Qur’ân and is not the Sunnah either.
CAN NUMBER 786 REPLACE THE HOLY NAME OF GOD?
Allaah say in Qur’ân “Verily, We have sent it down as an Arabic Qur’ân in order that you may understand” (Surah Yousuf 12:2).
We are instructed to recite the Qur’an Majeed, as can be seen from the following verses: “And (it is) a Qur’ân which We have divided (into parts), in order that you might recite it to men at intervals. And We have revealed it by stages. (in 23 years).” (Surah Bani Israil 17:106); “….So RECITE as much of the Qur’ân as may be easy (for you),…” (Surah Muzammil 73:20).
Now would one recite the Qur’an if it is reduced to numbers? As an example, we shall reduce the Surah Fatihah to numerical figures for the benefit of the reader.
Bismillaahir Rahmaanir Raheem……………………………………….. 786
Al-humdolillaahir rubbuaalamin……………………………………….. 632
Ar-Rahmaan-ur-Raheem………………………………………………. 618
Malikay yawm-midhdeen……………………………………………… 242
Eeyya ka Na’ bo-du Wa eeyya ka nastha’een……………………… 836
Ah’daynas-sira thalmustaqeem………..and in NO WAY sacred. It is a conspiracy against the Holy Book of Allaah.
This old game of numbers was practised by the ancient Egyptians, as did many other civilisations. Islaam came to ELIMINATE ALL such superstitions, mysteries and numerological mumbo-jumbo. However, Muslims are still enslaved to the number game, and think that 786 represent BISMILLAAHIR RAHMAANIR RAHEEM.
The innovation of writing ‘786′ replacing ‘Bismillaah al-Rahmaan al-Raheem’ has been adopted for a long time and the majority of the Ummah is still indulged in it inadvertently. Apart from the common folk, the scholars also heed no attention towards it and to avoid disrespect to the Holy Words they use it in their letters and documents. They adopt it as ‘correct’ and ‘better’ way to invite Allaah’s blessings and have also started replacing the Holy Words by this number on their houses, offices, buildings, etc. Unfortunately, this tendency is gradually gaining momentum. But, do we see this number instead of the Holy Words in the Holy Qur’ân? Or, can we write it there as well? can we remove ‘Bismillaah al-Rahmaan al-Raheem’ from the top of Surah al-Fatihah and replace it with the number 786? Obviously not.
If we study the Qur’ân, we see it carries the holy words in a letter from Prophet Solomon (pbuh) to the Queen of Sheeba – Bilqis – who was an infidel at that time. Even Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) in his letters to different heads of states and governments, used the holy words at the top. Therefore, whosoever uses 786 with the intention to obtain Allaah’s blessings, is a misguided person and any attempt to justify it, is ignorance.
More astonishing is that fact that ‘786′ is an aggregation of the numbers of Hindu ‘Lord Hari Krishna’.
H(a)iri Kr(i)shna
h-5, r-200, r-10, k-20, r-200, sh-300, n-50, a-1 = Aggregate of 786, Thus, the aggregate number of these letters (Hari Krishna) equals 786. This is also the case of ‘Bismillaah al-Rahmaan al-Raheem’. Therefore, it is necessary to avoid using this number to avoid the danger of being indulging in infidelity.
Islaam’s foundation is laid on the belief in Tawheed (oneness of God). If we associate anyone with Allaah’s exalted names orally or practically, we would be committing infidelity which is an unpardonable sin. The Qur’ân warns us, one who finds a rival against Allaah, Allaah will never allow him to enter paradise, and his abode is the hell. The letters by the Prophet (pbuh) to non-Muslim Kings and chiefs bear the holy words ‘Bismillaah al-Rahmaan al-Raheem’. This was also the case of his noble companions. Did the Prophet (pbuh) and his companions respect the Holy Words less than we do? Was the verse, ‘Today I completed your religion for you’ (Surah Maidah 5:3), revealed to the Prophet (pbuh) or to the so called scholars of our age who are all bent to amend the Divine principles.
Now, when it became known that ‘786′ is written in place of Hindu, ‘Lord Krishna’, and has no significance in the Holy Qur’ân and Sunnah, it is obviously an innovation and goes against the Divine doctrine of ‘Obey Allaah and His Prophet’. Beware, of newly-innovated matters, for every innovation is a going astray (Jahanam).
Similarly, some Muslims replace Allaah’s name by the number ‘66′ and the Prophet’s name by ‘92′. But if one ask, the number ‘420′ is used against somebody’s name and he is called ‘420′. Can he bear such an insult?
Calling someone by a nick name is also a sin. Allaah Ta’ala says, ‘Don’t call one another by nick names’. If Allaah prohibits the use of nicknames for fellow human beings, how can He allow the use of such insulting replacement number for Himself and His Prophet (pbuh).’Bismillaah al-Rahmaan al-Raheem’ great significance in the Qur’ân and Muslims are ordered to begin any work but in the names Allaah, not in the number of ‘786′ or any other substitution.
